WHAT does the Catholic Church believe about marriage? And what implications does this have for our lives?
I would like to consider both these questions.
The Catholic Church recognises that marriage is permanent. The love which exists between husband and wife should not come to an end, but should continue until death.
Because of this profound vision of marriage, the Church calls all of us to do whatever we can to support married couples in their commitment to one another.
It also calls married couples to develop between themselves the sort of love which can last a lifetime.
This is especially important nowadays, when nine out of 20 marriages (45 per cent) end in divorce.
A good beginning is to choose the right partner.
Sadly, some people are not good marriage material. They are not generous or self-giving. Instead, they are selfish or difficult.
I have met people who have married such difficult partners, and it can be a great burden which endures for all their lives.
Having chosen a suitable partner, the next step is to prepare well for marriage.
Because a couple will share everything together, there is much to talk through.
The Catholic Church asks that couples attend a program of pre-marriage education before they marry. We do so because we know from experience the value of pre-marriage education.
Pre-marriage education nips some potential problems in the bud. It also helps couples develop the skills to deal effectively with many other challenges.
Quality pre-marriage education is provided by the Catholic Centacare agencies, and by such organisations as Engaged Encounter.
Once a couple have married, they must continue to nurture their relationship throughout their lives.
Despite the pressures of work and the demands of raising children, a couple must make time to be together.
They need to talk, both to keep their relationship alive and to address together the many challenges of life.
Regularly, they should also express and deepen their love through sexual intercourse.
Religious commitment also helps their marriage, for the social scientists have confirmed that “The family which prays together, stays together”.
Wise couples also make time for marriage enrichment programs.
Often, the best time to attend such a program for the first time is seven or 10 years after marriage.
Quality marriage enrichment programs are offered by Centacare, and by such organisations as Marriage Encounter, Celebrate Love, Teams of Our Lady and Couples for Christ.
Many of us know at least one couple who have been married 50 or 60 years, and whose love for one another has grown and deepened over their lives together. There is something quite awesome about their love.
May their example inspire younger couples to grow in love as they have done.
Some couples are in hurting marriages.
The Catholic Church encourages them to do everything they can to save their marriage.
If both partners are prepared to work at it, there are very few problems that cannot over time be resolved.
Marriage counselling for hurting marriages is provided by Centacare, by many other counsellors, and by such organisations as Retrouvaille.
Sometimes, however, the only remaining choice is separation and divorce.
An obvious example is domestic violence.
On this, the US bishops wrote, “Some battered women believe that Church teaching on the permanence of marriage requires them to stay in an abusive relationship.” To the contrary, the bishops “emphasise that no person is expected to stay in an abusive marriage”.
The Australian bishops wrote a fine pastoral letter about the pastoral care of separated and divorced Catholics.
Titled “When Dreams Die”, it’s available as a pamphlet from most Catholic bookstores.
They write, “The Church’s teaching on the indissolubility and fidelity of marriage needs to be seen alongside her teaching on the need for compassion and understanding towards those in any kind of difficulty.”
Thus, they call on “pastors and the whole community of the faithful to help the divorced”.
The bishops write with great insight and sensitivity about the powerful emotions which people often experience in separation or divorce.
They write, “We recognise that there is a real grief process that you have to work through. There may also be a deep anger compounding the hurt you feel. Both your grief and your anger should meet a compassionate response within the community of the Church.”
Support after separation and divorce is offered by Centacare, by many other counsellors, and by such organisations as Beginning Experience and the Catholic Solo Parents’ Association.
As part of this process of healing after divorce, Catholics are encouraged to seek an annulment of their marriage. For this, they should contact their diocesan marriage tribunal.
As healing continues, many people date again, and some eventually choose to marry another partner.
With an annulment, they are free to marry in the Catholic Church.
Centacare offers special programs of pre-marriage education for those who are divorced or widowed, and who are now remarrying.
Some people, however, remarry outside the Catholic Church. The Church encourages people in this situation to continue to attend Mass, but asks that they do not receive Communion.
Pope John Paul II reiterated this in 1981 in #84 of “On the Family”.
This same teaching was repeated in 1994 by the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, in 1997 by the Pontifical Council for the Family, and in 2000 by the Pontifical Council for Interpreting Legislative Texts.
It was stated again most recently in #40 of the Propositions issued by last year’s Synod of Bishops on the Eucharist.
It remains controversial. After the synod, Cardinal Walter Kasper, who is head of the Pontifical Council for Christian Unity, said he “could not imagine that discussion on the issue could be considered closed”.
Three days later, Cardinal Alfonso Lopez Trujillo, who is head of the Pontifical Council for the Family, stated that the issue was “neither disputed, nor disputable”.
Anyone who is affected by this should discuss their situation with their parish priest. Above all, they should consider seeking an annulment through their marriage tribunal.
The Catholic Church believes deeply in the permanence of marriage. And as we recognise the deep love which grows between many married couples, we surely agree that this is indeed something worth striving for.
Fr Kevin McGovern is a part-time lecturer in moral theology at St Paul’s Theological College, Brisbane.
