Talking About Sex

WHAT’S the difference between love and lust? I asked myself as I walked into the Young Christian Workers’ (YCW) offices at St Brigid’s Church, Red Hill. I had arrived at the wine and cheese “Let’s talk about sex” night that YCW conducted last month to educate teens and 20-somethings about love, lust and the Church’s teaching of no sex before marriage. It was Saturday night, November 25, and those who could have been partying on at the multitude of pubs and clubs around Brisbane, had come to talk “sex”. The evening quickly got underway with Catherine Gordon from Centacare Catholic Family and Community Services covering topics relating to sexuality and gender and the stereotypes society places on males and females. She presented an amazing array of statistics which showed 54 per cent of guys believe they can expect sex if the girl has led them on, or if she says she’ll have sex with him and changes her mind, or 39 per cent of guys can expect sex if he spends a lot of money on the girl. The group discussed the difference between gender, based on cultural stereotypes and sex, and the biological make-up as a male or female. The gathering then tackled the perceptions of those who chose to have sex and those who don’t. Much hilarity ensued with suggestions of raging hormones being a reason for having sex and “no offers” being a reason not to have sex. But the discussion was brought back to earth and Catherine and the group discussed peer pressure, Church pressure and sexually transmitted infections as reasons for and against the proposed argument. A quick break, some cheese and lots more wine, and Fr Kevin McGovern, who is a lecturer at Banyo Seminary, was up next to talk about why the Church says no sex before marriage and the ins and outs of cohabition before wedlock. He said young people should make life choices that promote and deepen their relationship with God and avoid the things that detract from it. Fr McGovern spoke about society’s casual attitude to sex and how sex is promoted as the most important thing in a person’s life. The group discussed couples living together before marriage and Fr McGovern agreed it was a widely held opinion that many couples think it is wise to live together before marriage to get to know the other person better and therefore have a more successful marriage. He then produced astounding statistics from the Australian Institute of Family Studies that showed five years after marriage, 13 per cent of those couples who did live together before marriage had divorced, compared to only 6 per cent who chose not to live together before their wedding day. These figures increased exponentially and the statistics showed that after 20 years of marriage, more than half, or 56 per cent of couples who lived together before marriage had divorced. These findings stunned the group and Fr McGovern went on to talk about the reasons behind the stats. One of the explanations was the early development of a sexual relationship. “Every couple has to develop skills in conflict resolution. They have to be able to talk things through instead of using sex to make up,” he said. “Some social scientists believe if the sexual relationship begins too early in a relationship, it gets in the way of other important things.” He reasoned that after several years of marriage, it would become harder to paste over the cracks using sex. This was one of the reasons, he said, why the Church teaches no sex before marriage. “All the things the Church does, the pre-marriage education and the various teachings are trying to increase your chances of having a happy marriage,” he said. “So it’s not as simple as saying ‘this is what the Church says and I’ll go along with it’, it’s about saying, ‘what choices can I make that will increase my chances of years of happy marriage?'” Anne Hodgkinson