I HAVE been writing this column for some time now and feel, Dear Readers, that we are at the deep and meaningful stage. We can have a “D&M”.
So I’ll ask you straight – how old are you?
Are you 17, enjoying youth group and terrified about finishing school?
Are you in your 40s, happily married and raising three, at-times-challenging-but-always-beautiful children?
Or are you 23, like me, confident in who you are and yet so totally lost in life at the same time?
I’m feeling particularly contemplative of my age lately, the result of many recent occurrences. The first was that a couple of months ago two of my oldest, dearest and bestest friends got engaged.
Having known them both prior to their relationship, and seeing how beautifully matched they are, I could not be happier for them to decide to enter into marriage together.
At the time of their engagement, they were both 22 years old. They are talking about things like weddings, building houses and babies.
Although only slightly, I am technically older than them. Should I be talking about these things too? And, you know, where’s my fiancé?
Sideline this information for a second while you consider this next recurring scenario.
I’m casually catching up with people I haven’t spoken to in a while and they ask, “So how’s the love life?” My usual reply: “Non-existent.”
Which is a total joke. My love life is great. My love life is full and busy and abundant.
I love my family, my friends, my God. I love my job, my home, my goals and my hobbies.
Oh … but you meant, boys and romance and stuff. Yeah, no. None of that.
Interestingly, I probably get this question most from my Christian friends.
I know they’re simply asking because they would love to see me with someone, but I start getting this incessant feeling of running out of time.
Because if I was to “find a boy” I would prefer him to be Catholic, but all the Catholic ones my age are in relationships already.
And if you’re a 23-year-old Catholic in a relationship, chances are you are with the person you are going to marry.
And so if I’m a 23-year-old single Catholic, that means I’m going to be single forever.
Again, this is a joke. But it is often the assumption I’m cognisant of.
So I am now trying to reply to questions of my love life with “It’s still the same, but that’s okay.” Because it is.
Inevitably, questions of love lives come back to discernment.
Am I intended for a married or single life? Have I properly considered religious life?
I’ve already started a career in television, I can’t change my mind now.
Meeting someone with whom I will fall in love and marry sounds delightful, but do I wait for that to happen? How long do I wait?
What happens if I discern the single life and then Mr Right comes along?
I’d better get cracking on this whole discerning thing because before I know it, I’ll be 24, then 25, and I won’t have made any decisions at all and I’ll just be going in circles, watching all my friends getting married or becoming priests while everyone still asks me “So how’s your love life”!
Just breathe. Take a deep breath, Kiri, and think about your grandmother.
My Grandma Mary is ageless.
Just phoning her recently, I mentioned I went to Brisbane’s Oktoberfest on the weekend and she said, “Oh, Kiri. I’m so jealous.”
Grandma is a tiny, 87-year-old woman who nobody would want to cross.
She is a woman who goes to water aerobics, regularly flies around the country and has more loyal friends than she can count.
She is a woman who says things like “You’ll never see me playing lawn bowls, that’s for old people.” I tell her it’s actually quite fun, but she refuses. Grandma is adventurous, stubborn and ageless.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that discernment is important for me and my fellow youths, and should be considered deeply, seriously and with courage.
Yet, don’t feel you have to do it by a certain age. You are not running out of time.
God desires our highest good. God wants us to live lives of goodness and love.
And it doesn’t matter how long that takes, because life should be long, fruitful and savoured, even when you’re 87.
So just breathe, pray and enjoy.
Young in Faith – Kiri Groeneveld
