MAURIE and Bernice Boland are “trying to keep up with the Holy Spirit”.
The Canberra visitors were relaying the enthusiasm they’ve encountered since bringing a ministry to newly married couples to Brisbane.
“When we were on holidays we got this phone call saying, ‘I picked up a brochure in Canberra and this program looks terrific, we’ d love to do it. We’re getting married in January in Brisbane, can we do it up there?’,” Bernice recalled of answering the phone from “somewhere in the wilds of South Australia”.
“I said, ‘We’ll see what we can do’.”
The members of the Catholic Society for Marriage Education ran with the ball, contacting Jesuit Father Greg Jordan who had expressed interest previously in bringing the program for couples in their first five years of marriage to Brisbane.
“Because this couple had contacted us, I contacted Fr Jordan,” Bernice said.
“He got a group together with the Arch-bishop’s (John Bathersby of Brisbane) blessing and so it started off.”
The kind-hearted duo visited recently to offer four information sessions for interested “newly marrieds” as well as workshops for the “adoptive couples” who will lead such couples through the five-year process.
“A very strong response” was seen with 14 couples prepared to “adopt” and so far, a number of participating “newly marrieds”.
In Canberra the journey, which originates in America, begins in February with an “opening night” dinner and socialising between both groups.
In Brisbane, however, “They said, ‘Do we have to wait until February?'” Bernice said.
“Now we have done the information nights and two workshops, the Brisbane couples will meet at a dinner soon.
“There they will find out which couple they are matched with and have their first talk together before Christmas.
“We’ll be back in February to run the next workshop (for the adoptive couples) to give solid grounding on how the program runs.”
During the first year of the journey when a newly married couple meets with their adoptive couple they cover the topics, “Knowing the real me”, “Reflective listening”, “Dealing with feelings” and “The vocation of marriage”.
All involved read and prepare material before attending the session, ideally in a relaxed home setting.
“Each year the newly married get a new adoptive couple,” Bernice explained.
“Over the five years they see different working marriages and work through the 20 topics.”
Other topics include, “Financial plans”, “Fighting and anger”, “Forgiveness and healing” and “Enthusiasm in our marriage”.
The Bolands stressed the confidentiality of the environment and the importance of ensuring adoptive couples match a faith-filled, highly-communicative criteria.
They also stressed their 39-year marriage wasn’t always “plain sailing” and it’s with that impetus the outreach has grown.
“When we married we thought we had everything going for us,” Maurie said.
“We were both Catholics, in love and committed to our marriage.
“We were conscious that our marriage was a threesome – us and God … so what could possibly go wrong?”
Only a few years following their vow exchange the Bolands hit rocky ground.
“We were in a state of alienation, confusion and utter misery,” Maurie said, with his wife soon adding to the picture.
“Because we were both introverts, when conflict came up, we would draw into ourselves and we really didn’t know how to communicate,” she said.
“Not only that but I’d come from a family that had divorced and I saw the root cause of that was a lack of communication.
“I also came from the insecurity of if things aren’t dealt with they escalate.
“Maurie came from a good, Catholic family who never even disagreed so he thought it was a sin to fight.
“Immediately we were in this opposite ends of the spectrum.”
What “saved” the Bolands, who married in Melbourne on August 12, 1971, was a Marriage Encounter weekend.
“For the first time it became clear to us what was happening to our relationship and why and what we could do about it,” Maurie said.
“We were astounded that we could learn so much in one weekend that it could turn our lives around, and the seeds of our passion for marriage education and enrichment were planted.
“The Marriage Encounter weekend not only illustrated to us the dynamic of what was happening to us in our marriage but it gave us the tools of how to handle it, focusing on communication.” Bernice said communication could be an early “issue” in marriage due to unrealistic expectations.
Another issue she highlighted was the importance of “grieving” the change from single to couple.
“Within the transition from single to a married lifestyle there needs to be a process of grieving,” she said.
“… In that there’s an end to things that you’ve lost … sometimes we are not really consciously prepared for it.”
Since their Marriage Encounter weekend the Bolands have co-ordinated Evenings for the Engaged in Canberra for 25 years with the Newly Marrieds Ministry commencing there in 1990.
Up to 50 couples per year have been through the process, often returning as adoptive couples later.
Archbishop Mark Coleridge of Canberra and Goulburn said the Bolands “discerned” a need.
“They saw that, in a society where marriage is not supported and valued as it once was, there was a need to provide more support, especially in the early years of married life,” he said.
“Not only did they see the need but they have worked hard to do something about it.”
Also highlighting the outreach “is not a counselling service” but more “there to pre-arm the couples and accompany them through the first five years”, Maurie and Bernice are convinced “the answer” to today’s potential marriage woes is “relationship education”.
In February this year, the marriage specialists “handed on leadership of the Canberra group” to enable a focus on other cities and areas.
As such, the Holy Spirit has guided them to Sydney, Perth, and Adelaide and, fortunately for us, Brisbane.
To register interest in the first meeting of the couples (as newly marrieds) to be held on October 1, contact Kate Hobbs at kate.hobbs65@gmail.com
