By Emilie Ng
LOVING the unloved is De La Salle Brother Damian Nanayakkara’s mission.
Br Damian recently visited students and staff at Southern Cross Catholic College in Scarborough for two weeks as part of their ‘Brothers in residence’ program during La Salle week from 16 – 20 April.
He also celebrated his Golden Jubilee with the school community and the De La Salle brothers during his visit.
For the last three years, Southern Cross Catholic College have sent students and staff to Br Damian’s residence in Colombo, Sri Lanka, where he works with the “poorest of the poor”.
From drug addicts, alcohol abusers, teenagers confronted with unwanted pregnancies and people living in the shantytowns in Sri Lanka, Br Damian has experienced first hand what it’s like to love until it hurts.
“Once you feel the pain of love, you are really loving,” he said.
He loves because he knows the pain of being unloved.
When he was five months old, the Sri Lankan-born brother was given over to his grandparents “because the situation at home was not so good”.
He stayed with them until he was five years old.
“Actually speaking I stayed with parents only five years of my life,” he said.
Being away from his family during his early childhood snowballed into immediate rejection from his family.
“My brother and sister did not accept me as their brother,” he said.
“That was a tough time, and I had a great struggle.
“I knew this is my family but they were resisting.
“As time went on we got adjusted, and my grandparents came back and explained to everyone who I am.
“Finally they accepted me.”
But just as he was accepted into his biological family, an aunt requested he come and stay with her and her children.
“After one year, my mother said she wanted her son back,” he said.
As a 10-year-old student at his school in Chilaw, Sri Lanka, run by the De La Salle brothers, Br Damian kept his books closed.
He dreamed instead of running after animals and tractors.
“I was supposed to do homework for five subjects, but I did not do anything,” he said.
“The class teacher asked any boys who had not done their homework to stand up.
“Nobody was standing, but I knew for sure I had not done anything, so I stood up. “Then 23 others stood up.
“Each one was given five cuts with a cane.”
Br Damian and the other 23 students were detained until 5.30pm.
Before he left to go home, his teacher asked him a question.
“Damian, would you like to become a brother?” he said.
“I thought, that guy gives me five cuts on the back and he wants me to be a brother?
“And something happened.
“My whole body was getting heated up.
“I couldn’t say no, I couldn’t run away.
“I said ok, ‘I want to be a brother’.
“I didn’t know what I was putting my hand into.”
When he told his parents he wanted to become a brother at only 10 years old, his mother refused to let him go.
“You are so naughty, if you go to become a brother you will destroy the whole community,” she said.
“This is not the age to decide.
“How do you know all these things?”
But Br Damian knew God was calling him to life as a De La Salle brother.
“In a way she was correct, but something was telling me no, I must become a brother,” he said.
Fortunately, his father took his side.
“Then I turned to my father, and he took the phone, and mother was blasting my father,” he said.
“Then he said, ‘If God calls, nobody can stop Him’.”
Br Damian joined the brothers in 1960, and in 1963 at the age of 16, he was selected to enter the novitiate.
After one year in the novitiate, Br Damian was asked to take charge of 123 orphans and delinquents for one month in Diyagala Boys’ Town, Ragama.
“But after 30 years, I never got a transfer,” he said.
“When I began there, I wondered if I would be able to control these guys.
“Something gave me a fearlessness in front of them.”
He soon realised that tough kindness was the best tool to reform the young men.
When a “big fellow” wandered around smelling of whisky, he leaned on his fearlessness and set him straight.
“I pulled him on his shirt, and said, ‘Where is the bottle?’ “ he said.
“He took me to the garden, and it was hidden in a dung heap.
“I said son, ‘do you think this is going to help you?’
“Do you know the drastic change that took place in his life?
“He stopped many boys from getting into trouble, and he is a father now.
“I really reformed the lives of people.
“It was the university of life-learning, training the men to be good people.”
After 30 years had passed without any knowledge of change, a priest visited Br Damian.
He was the man Br Damian was asked to replace just for one month.
“I said do you know who I am? I am Brother Damian. I’m still in Boystown. You sent me for one month – that was 30 years ago,” he said.
“After one week, he died, and one week after his death, I got a transfer.”
Br Damian spent another 15 years in Pakistan, working with young drug addicts.
“That is the biggest problem in Pakistan, and in Sri Lanka now,” he said.
“Many youngsters are on drugs.
“Drug addiction is not the problem, the problem is below.
“They went in search for that, but they never trusted, believed, or were loved.
“I was able to at least heal 5 per cent of the group I had, which was 150 boys.
“When I left, there were 470 of them.
“That was a very tough job.”
The hard work took its toll on Br Damian’s health, and for 26 years, he suffered from bone decay and incredible back pain, but was healed in 2010.
The healing has allowed Br Damian to work even harder at bringing love to those who have never been loved.
“In the world today, there is not much love,” he said.
“Though we speak about love, we do not know what love is all about.”
In the Sri Lankan slums, young children often greet Br Damian.
“They’re beautiful kids, I tell you,” he said.
“They come and grab me, and my robe is black and red.
“It doesn’t matter to me – they are looking for this love, and that is all I have.”
He will celebrate 50 years as a De La Salle brother this year.
“I have finished 50 years of my religious life, with a lot of failures,” he said.
“I love my failures because they taught me wonderful things, and all my sins in my life have taught me that there is a God that loves.”
Animals were also instrumental in teaching Br Damian love.
For seven years, he raised a baby leopard that was tied to a tree in the Sri Lankan jungles.
He called the leopard Kitty.
“She used to sleep near my leg, in my bed,” he said.
“She was growing really fast and started sleeping parallel to me.
“One night, she threw me out of the bed, and on to the floor.
“I opened my cupboard, put out a sheet, and for six years, I slept on the ground. “Everyday sharp at 3am, she woke me up.
“She knew my timetable very well.”
