He’s remembered as the first lay director of Brisbane Catholic Education. But Vince O’Rourke allowed an intimate look into his life when he wrote I Wish I Was a Leper after his wife Margaret died from Alzheimer’s disease. Journalist SELINA VENIER was invited to find out about the a new chapter in his life
VINCE O’Rourke had “three days off in six years” when caring for his wife Margaret who died from Alzheimer’s disease in October 2006.
In hindsight Vince admitted “it was stupid to not take time off” when his energies were so depleted.
Yet the doting husband cared for Margaret unconditionally and considered the role “the greatest gift ever received”.
The former Brisbane Catholic Education director wrote I Wish I Was a Leper based on their life together before and after Margaret’s diagnosis, and from his diary entries from the latter.
“How often do you get to take someone you love … someone who can’t remember how to blow their nose, can’t drink … and care for them?” he told The Leader about a year after the book was released.
At that time Vince was sought after for a variety of public speaking engagements – bodies from Alzheimer’s Australia to the University of Queensland.
His popularity hasn’t waned although life has presented a new direction for the down-to-earth man of faith.
Vince married Lorrae Martin, a former dementia support officer with the Alzheimer’s Association of Queensland, in early 2010.
Lorrae has “vast experience in organising and facilitating carer support groups across the state”, he said.
Together the couple are offering exactly what Vince regrets not seeking some years ago – a place that “cares for the carer”.
In Brisbane last month to address a group of carers in Ashgrove library, Vince and Lorrae spoke candidly about how they met and the inspiration for the new outreach.
“Lorrae and I met when she invited me to talk to a group of about 100 carers and staff at Toowoomba in 2009,” Vince said.
“I must have presented fairly well because sometime later I was asked to do a similar presentation at Noosa.”
The couple can empathise with each other about the challenges and joys of caring for a loved one – Lorrae has recently moved her 92-year-old mother, who has dementia, to a nursing home in Nambour.
“Lorrae and I share a passion to support family carers,” Vince said.
“They form such a significant part of our society and their work goes largely unnoticed except by those for whom they care.”
God was at the helm of their hope to combine experiences and empathies and so the couple set out to not only find a place for them to live but also somewhere with appropriate room for people to come for “time out”.
“We thought that together we may be able to help carers by providing for them a family environment within which they might find respite and thereby recharge their own batteries before taking up again their caring role,” Vince said.
Blessing their idea, God presented a house in Nambour that “ticked all the boxes”.
“It never ceases to amaze me how the hand of God is never far away,” Vince said.
“The home is situated on 1.2 ha (three acres), on a hill overlooking the Bli Bli valley to the ocean in the distance.
“It’s set in a semi-rural environment about two minutes from the Nambour General Hospital … (and) all who stay here comment on the peace and tranquility which enfolds you.
“It provides a holiday on the Sunshine Coast which we supplement by taking them on sight-seeing drives.”
“Carers Outlook”, as it has been named, has been dedicated to the Sacred Heart of Jesus.
The couple aim “for the carer to leave rejuvenated and with a positive outlook”.
Carers Outlook has housed dozens of carers, with or without the family member or members they are caring for, since Vince and Lorrae opened its doors in July 2010.
They have hosted people for a series of days at a time and provide an opportunity “for them to talk or to wander or both”, Vince said.
“In 2011 we had 12 carers spend time with us,” Vince said.
“Some travelled from Charleville, Dalby, Hervey Bay, Gympie, Toowoomba, Ipswich and local areas.
“Some of the carers are parents of children with disabilities, some have mothers in their care, some are spouses and some came with their loved one with dementia.
“We provide them meals and spend a lot of time talking with them on all manner of issues they raise coming out of their experience as carers.
“We spend time laughing as well.”
To stay at Carers Outlook there is a small fee to cover costs.
When leaving, guests are asked to write comments about the stay.
A recent entry was: “The place has an air of unreality – a bit like something out of a story book. All it needed to make it complete was Vince and Lorrae – their personalities and combined life experiences coming together at the right time.”
And another: “Thank you for opening your home, sharing your heart, your loving arms and welcoming ways… You have inspired me so much.”
The O’Rourkes have also spent time “giving presentations on dementia and aspects of the caring role”.
“In the last six months of 2010 we spoke to over 600 people,” Vince said.
“(And) in 2011 we had 29 speaking engagements to some 930 people for organisations like Ozcare, Centacare, Carers Queensland and Blue Care.
“This we do mostly voluntarily … (and) we found ourselves last year at Mackay, Bundaberg, Hervey Bay, Toowoomba, Chinchilla, Dalby and several venues along the Sunshine Coast and Brisbane.”
Vince said such speaking opportunities “have been very rewarding”.
While it’s not the focus, in the process he has also sold more than 3000 copies of his book because “carers react very positively to one who has walked in their shoes and speaks from a male perspective”.
Vince and Lorrae embrace the momentum of Carers Outlook and their speaking invitations with broader plans for the future.
“(And) I have been meaning to go back over my diaries to highlight the struggles I had as a carer from a faith perspective,” Vince said.
“I meet many carers who similarly struggle with the issues of pain and suffering in a world created by an all-loving God.
“If time permits I will organise retreats (on those themes).”
Vince said he “never did see” himself retiring “even at 71” and gives credit to Lorrae, a non-Catholic, for her enthusiasm in this new chapter of their lives.
“I see the Holy Spirit working in her,” Vince said.
“(And) I hope good health remains with me.”
For more information about Carers Outlook email carersoutlook@gmail.com or phone (07) 5476 0642.
