THIS house is a mess!
How many times did Byron think that as he walked in the door of our home that was temporarily transformed into the neighborhood swim school. With our five children plus those of three other families converged on our backyard swimming pool, there were discarded clothes and puddles scattered everywhere.
Yet, amongst that wet mess, something good and holy was happening.
As the kids enjoyed a weekly pool ‘party’, the mums got a chance to connect and support each other.
Each of us had our own worries about our kids and the swim school gatherings allowed us to share and swap notes. Without intending it, we were supporting each other from the foundation of our Christian faith.
Our Messy Families
Family by its very nature is a holy mess. We saw this again last week as we witnessed the beautiful miracle of new life in the birth of our third granddaughter. She immediately tipped the balance in the whole family from relative calm to total, sleepless chaos.
As ‘first responders’ we found our own plans up ended as we scrambled to lend support. It was musical homes and musical beds. Forward planning was reduced to one day at a time.
And yet, in all the chaos the extraordinary was also happening. This little babe was inspiring new levels of generosity and tenderness in each family member.
Christmas Mess
Our Christmas gatherings brings the delights and messiness of our families into sharp focus. For some it’s a joyful time with extended family. For others it will be difficult; a reminder of loss, confronting strained relationships, the opening of old wounds, feeling the absence of a loved one.
Inevitably, it will be messy; grumpy uncles, annoying siblings, nosey grandparents, argumentative spouses… there is so much to go wrong. And that’s before the turkey gets burned!
Somehow Christmas has the knack of bringing out the best and worst in us.
Yet it also reminds us that ‘we are family’. We don’t have to like each other, but we are called to love: to care about each other’s wellbeing, to be courteous and kind.
This is one of the gifts of Christmas; the ‘Christmas spirit’ where we endeavor to be more generous, express the care we have but do not always show, to make our love tangible through thoughtful gifts and gestures.
We act more intentionally in our family relationships and through that we grow. In choosing to be present, to accept, to make that gesture of love, we not only show love but in doing so we also learn how to love.
This is the path to holiness. If family life was easy, then it would not help us grow to holiness nearly so well. And its why Pope St John Paul II called the family the “School of Love”.
The Holy Family
At this time of year, we are very conscious of the messiness Joseph and Mary would have encountered as they travelled to Bethlehem. Imagine: a four-day journey on foot and donkey, in temperatures as low as 6 degrees (C), at nine months pregnant!
The messiness of their circumstances, however, did not disturb their interior peace. Their trust in God, enabled Mary and Joseph to bear that messiness with grace. They are an example for us in our own struggles to maintain interior peace in our messy family life.
When we offer the messiness of our lives’ up to God – both the exterior and interior mess – we allow God to go to work; to heal our wounded, messy hearts.
This Christmas, let us pray for the grace of interior peace that we might be a gift to our families, no matter the mess that swirls around us.
Francine & Byron Pirola are the cofounders of SmartLoving, a global Catholic Marriage apostolate. www.smartloving.org
