The Australian Catholic Marriage and Family Council has released its St Valentine’s Day message for 2015 and this year, the theme is Couple Fun. FRANCINE and BYRON PIROLA present some excerpts.
WHY is it that when we grow up, we forget about the joys and benefits of having fun?
Counsellors and educators often talk about the importance of fun in a marriage, but for those of us raising families – “couple fun” is usually the first casualty in the busy family schedule.
After all, now that we are parents, we’re supposed to be responsible, right?
Fun stimulates the brain and regenerates us – something we all need in a busy life loaded with meetings and responsibilities. But we’re not just talking about any kind of fun.
Lots of couples have scheduled fun activities for their individual pursuits, or family activity time, but rarely fun together as a couple.
All marriages have times of struggle and, when they do, one of the notable absences is couple fun; neither seem to enjoy each other as much as they used to.
As a result, they often seek their “fun-fix” outside the relationship.
This is a set-up for mishap as the ability to have fun together is an important bonding experience.
If all your fun is associated with someone other than your spouse, you’ll be at risk of further undermining the marriage.
Couple fun might seem indulgent but it’s more important for couples than we think; it helps us to develop valuable virtues. For example:
l A sense of humour encourages laughter, which stimulates the biochemistry associated with wellbeing. It can turn a negative event into a positive bonding experience and helps us overcome frustrations that otherwise might leave us feeling resentful towards each other. A good dose of laughter is like a healing balm.
l Curiosity is a vital ingredient in keeping our love fresh, vibrant and open to growth. Couples who let themselves believe that they already know everything about each other, tend to lose interest in each other. They become stagnant and bored with each other and begin to look for stimulation elsewhere. Couple fun fosters curiosity by creating opportunities to discover new aspects of each other.
l Acceptance flourishes when we laugh at ourselves because it requires us to step back and look at the bigger picture. This helps us to be more accepting of each other’s limitations, more forgiving and also more humble.
l Downtime together is critical for any successful marriage and couple fun is a great way of creating some enjoyable downtime together in our otherwise too busy and serious lives.
Tips for Couple Fun
Daily Rituals. Busyness and stress are ever present realities but don’t let them dictate the mood of your relationship. Consciously choose to form simple daily habits that bring a light-hearted tone to your marriage. Short love notes or text messages, lighting candles at dinner or singing to music while you wash dishes together. With a bit of imagination you can infuse your daily routine with romantic fun.
Date Night. When life is busy, if it’s not in the schedule, it just doesn’t happen. Prefer to be spontaneous? Spontaneity is the domain of those with spare time. If you don’t have spare time, you can’t afford spontaneity. Plan a time and plan an activity even if it’s as simple as walking around the block or sitting on the floor listening to your favourite music together.
Find a common interest. You may be passionate about craft or golf or body-building or photography. That’s great, but if it’s not shared, you need to limit your time investment. Look for a recreational activity you both enjoy and invest in it. Recreational companionship is a bonding activity and a common hobby is something that will provide years of couple fun.
This is copyright from the Australian Catholic Marriage and Family Council. For the text and St Valentineís Day resources, visit www.acmfc.org
Francine and Mavis Pirola are co-authors of the SmartLoving series. Visit. www.smartloving.org for more information
