By Fr John Flader
Question – I am getting married soon and my fiancé and I are entrusting ourselves to Our Lady and St Joseph. Can you tell me anything about their wedding if, indeed, anything is known?
WE know something about the marriage customs of Jews at the time of Our Lady and St Joseph and I will draw on this information, gathered from various sources.
Of particular help has been the book The Jewess Mary, Mother of Jesus (Chevalier Press 1994) by Henry Skrzyński.
The wedding ceremony took place about a year after the betrothal.
During this time the couple lived separately even though they were legally considered to be husband and wife.
A wedding at that time was not, strictly speaking, a religious ceremony, although marriage had a deeply spiritual meaning, symbolising the union of God with Israel, as proclaimed by the prophets and psalms.
For example, the prophet Hosea writes of how God says to his people, “And I will take you for my wife forever; I will take you for my wife in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love, and in mercy. I will take you for my wife in faithfulness; and you shall know the LORD.” (Hos 2:19-20)
On the day of the wedding, often a Wednesday, the bride was anointed, dressed and adorned with ornaments, with a crown of flowers on her head.
She awaited the arrival of her husband in the evening.
The husband would arrive at the bride’s family home in his best attire, accompanied by friends and by a scribe, who would write out the marriage contract, the ketuvah.
This was a written document spelling out the terms on which the marriage was arranged, with the rights and duties that had been agreed upon.
At the same time, it served as something like today’s marriage certificate, proving that a marriage had in fact been contracted and thereby guaranteeing the legitimacy of any children born from the union.
A marriage not based on a ketuvah was considered null and void.
It ensured that all the property the wife brought into the marriage as a dowry was safeguarded by an obligatory mortgage on all her husband’s property.
It also provided, among other things, for medical care in case of the wife’s illness, for the costs of her funeral, and for her to stay in the husband’s house in the event of his death.
The obligation to repay the ketuvah, should the husband die or divorce his wife, acted as a deterrent to a hasty divorce.
After the ketuvah had been signed, when the bride was ready to leave, her father would bless her and express the wish that she not return home as a widow or divorced.
He would also release her from any vows she had taken in his house.
Then the husband would take his bride, held aloft on a litter, in a joyous procession to his own house with torches, lamps on long poles, drums, pipes, lutes and singing.
Accompanying the couple were their relatives, friends and wedding guests.
Those who happened to be on the streets when the procession passed, would accompany it for at least a short distance.
Nuts and roasted ears of wheat were thrown to children and bystanders as a sign that a bride was passing by.
Our Lord refers to this procession in the parable of the wise and foolish virgins (cf. Mt 25:1-13).
It was the virgins’ role to accompany the procession with their lamps lit on the way to the husband’s house.
In the parable, the bridegroom was delayed and arrived at midnight.
When they arrived, Mary was given away in marriage to Joseph with the words, “Take her according to the Law of Moses and of Israel”, to which Joseph replied, “Be thou my wife in marriage according to the Law of Moses and of Israel.”
The relatives and guests would then say – “May the Lord, by this young woman that is coming into your house, build it up with children, as Rachel and Leah have built up the house of Israel. May you prosper and be renowned.”
Upon entering the house, Joseph would kiss the prominent guests, who had their heads anointed with oil.
Then from large stone jars, water was brought for the prescribed ritual washing of hands.
The meal consisted of great quantities of bread, stews with vegetables and garlic, fish, olives, dates, figs, grapes, nuts and plenty of wine.
The marriage feast lasted for seven days, explaining in part why the wine ran out at the wedding feast of Cana, where Our Lord changed water into wine (cf. Jn 2:1-11).
All in all, it was a joyous occasion as the couple began their life together.
