RELATIONSHIP advisor Nahum Kozak said he had seen an increase in couples seeking help because of the housing crisis and the rising cost of living.
“Some key components of a healthy relationship are a strong friendship, good communication, and a shared sense of purpose,” he said.
“Housing stress and financial hardship can put any one of these aspects of the relationship to the test.”
The housing crisis was impacting families in different ways:
- For renters, a lack of vacancies and soaring rental prices were putting pressure on the family budget. SQM Research data showed Brisbane’s average rental price increased more than $100 from February 2022 to February 2023.
- For home-owners, the Reserve Bank of Australia’s nine cash rate hikes in a row have seen mortgage repayments skyrocket in the last 12 months.
- For home-buyers, house prices remained far above pre-COVID levels, making entry into the market difficult.
Mr Kozak said the housing crisis forced some families to make decisions they would never have thought they would have to.
It was not uncommon to hear families pulling children from the school they had carefully chosen and saved up for to make mortgage repayments, while other families sought unideal accommodation in cramped or unsuitable places or returning to live with parents.
These were all situations that increased stress and strain, Mr Kozak said.
One of the challenges in addressing this for some couples is that one member of the relationship can feel more stressed than the other, he said.
“This can lead to feelings of resentment or frustration from the partner who is feeling more burdened by the stress,” Mr Kozak said.
Mr Kozak uses the Gottman Method to encourage couples to have a heart-to-heart about their feelings and concerns:
“Start by expressing your own feelings and concerns about the situation and ask your partner to do the same,” he said.
“If you’re in conflict, don’t move to trying to fix things too early in the conversation, as this can lead to your partner feeling unheard or that their feelings are being dismissed.
“Instead, listen actively to your partner’s perspective, and seek to understand what their major concerns, worries or pain points are.
“Spend time asking some questions to let them open their heart a bit more – ask, ‘What part of this is most important to you, and why?’, ‘What values of yours are coming up here?’, ‘Is there a story from your past or background that has an impact on why you feel this way?’
“At the very least, by understanding one another at a deeper level, your relationship benefits and each of you feel reassured that your partner has your back – you’re not feeling alone or disconnected by the issue.
“After each person’s perspective has been heard at a level of depth, work together to find solutions that take both of your needs into account.”
Mr Kozak emphasised maintaining open and honest communication, prioritising self-care, finding joy and relationship in shared couple activities, and seeking support from a financial advisor or couples therapist if needed.
“It’s important to remember that every couple is unique and that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to overcoming challenges,” he said.
“However, with patience, understanding, and a willingness to work together, couples can get through these challenges and come out on the other side with a stronger and more resilient relationship.
“If you get stuck, remember – you are not alone, and do seek help if needed.”
